Things To Do In Walmart, with Emmett!
by emilylovee
Summary: Emmett finds a list of things to do in Walmart and decides to do them all! Along with the other Cullens of course! Sure to be crazy.. Hilarious story here people!
1. Tampons and Condoms

**Emmett Point Of View**

I was in the bathroom at Forks High School when I saw a piece of paper. It was folded in half, but I was able to read on the side where it saw "THINGS NOT TO DO IN WAL MART!"

YEAH! I love WalMart!

I'll have to read this later. I picked it up and put it in my pocket.

Once I got home, I opened it. I read everything on it, and since they all sounded like fun, I decided to do it!

I figured if I could talk Alice and Bella into it first then everyone else would come along. I couldn't have all this fun for myself! That would be selfish of me!

Edward was taking Bella home from school, and I needed her, so I got in my jeep and started off to Bella's house. As I was halfway down the drive I heard "EMMETT!! WAIT FOR ME!"

Oh...I almost forgot the little future telling pixie.

Alice opened the door and got in and we were off...again.

"Emmett, just so you know, the only reason I am doing this is to destroy walmart. I can't stand their stuff! It's so cheap! And not made good at all.." Alice kept ranting about her hatred of walmart until we got to Bella's house.

"I'll go get her. I'm better at blocking my thoughts than you," she said

"Fine. Hurry, pixie!"

Alice darted in the house. I heard some yelling but soon Alice came running out with Bella in her arms. Edward kept out behind her. So thats where the yelling was coming from.. but Alice told him to shut the hell up or she would bite Bella right then and there and Edward quickly shut up. Alice put Bella in the backseat and buckled her in and got in her car and I pulled out so quickly Bella yelled "Whiplash!"

Once we were safely out of hearing distance, Alice explained to Bella, "Ok, so Emmett found this list of things not to do in walmart and so we're gonna go do them."

Bella raised her hand.

"Yes, Bella, you may speak," Alice said

"I don't get it. If it's things not to do, why are we going to do them?"

"Silly, Bella, because it'll be fun!"

"Fine, but I don't wanna get arrested by my dad.. You're taking the blame for any tragedies."

"Sure thing, Bella!" I yelled

"So..can I see this list please?" she asked and I handed it to her.

"Holy crap there's 335 things on this list!!" she shrieked.

"Your point is....?" I asked

"We can't do all these things!"

"Well, maybe not today.. but we will eventually!!"

--------later at wal mart--------

"Ok! Number 1!!" I shouted, scaring some old lady and making her drop the package of old people diapers.

"Go up to a male employee while squeezing your legs together and scream "I NEED SOME TAMPONS!!" Alice read to us

"There's no way I'm doing that," Bella said

"Oh come on Bella your the only one who actually needs to use them!" Alice said

"Still. I'm not doing it. No way." she said

"I'll do it!" I yelled

"Emmett..you wouldn't use tampons even if you weren't a vampire," Alice said

"So..neither of you want to do it, so I'll do it! Pleaseee it'll be fun!"

"Fine, Em, go right ahead" she said

So I walked up to the first male employee I saw, who was a guy who had a name tag on that said 'Chad'. He looked about 21 and kind of scared. Perfect!

When I got near him I started squeezing my legs together and saying "help! help!"

"What do you need?" he said

"TAMPONS!" I yelled

"Tampons? Um, for your girlfriend or something?" he asked

"NO! FOR ME YOU IDIOT CAN'T YOU SEE I NEED THEM!" I screamed pointing at my legs that were wrapped around each other.

"Dude, your a dude," he said

"JUST GET ME THE DAMN TAMPONS!"

"Ok, ok. Follow me."

He started walking toward what I guessed was the tampon area. I hopped behind him keeping my legs tangled.

Once we got there he handed me the first things he saw.

"Here's your tampons," he said.

"OMG! These are Playtex! I only use Kotex! Get this abomination away from me!" I yelled throwing the Playtex at him

"Fine! I didn't know! Here. Here's Kotex. Are you happy now?" he said

"Yes, I am. Thank you very much Chad. You were so helpful, I think I'll write the manager a letter telling him what a good employee you are. Ok bye!" I said skipping away

Once I got back to Bella and Alice they were laughing hysterically.

"Wow, Emmett. That was hilarious," Bella said

"Nothing to it," I said "but now! it's your turn! mwahahahah!" I kept my evil laugh going until Alice said "Ok Emmett, shut up now."

"OK! Number 2!" I yelled this time making the guy who was mopping the floor spill the bucket of water. He looked up and glared at me. I smiled sweetly.

"Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them." Alice read

"Ok, Bella, your turn," I said

"What? No!" she started to say

"No excuses this time, Bella. You have to do it," Alice said

"Fine!" she said stomping to get a shopping cart.

"um..where's the condom section?" she asked

Poor girl. Alice and I led her there. She started loading the condoms into the cart.

Once she got all the condoms they had loaded she started back to the checkout area. Alice had her phone out and was filming.

Bella got up to the checkout line and the woman looked at her like she was crazy.

"Your gonna use all these?" she asked

"Of course!" Bella said

She eyed her suspiciously but scanned them all. After 32 minutes and 27 seconds, they were finally done. Bella scanned the card Alice had handed her and we walked off. Bella looked at the camera and said "This is for you Mike! Maybe even a few for Jake, cuz I like them hot and furry," with a wink.

Alice stopped recording then and Bella told her to send it to Edward. Within 2 minutes he was calling and yelling more but Alice said, "remember my threat, Edward." And again he shut up.

"Don't do it Bella!" he yelled before hanging up

This is going to be so much fun!

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**Mwahahaha I love Emmett**

**Stay tuned for more fun times in Wal Mart!**

**review please!!**

**emilylovee :)**


	2. More Condoms and Convulsions

**Hello! Welcome to chapter two of things not to do in walmart with Emmett. :) I'm sorry it takes forever for me to update...but i'll do better I promise! Thank you to the reviews!**

**Oh, and no, I'm not doing them in order. It's all very random..haha**

**Ok, so now on with the story.......**

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"Ok little pixie, it is now your turn!" I did my evil laugh again but cut myself off before Alice had the chance to do it for me.

"Ok," she said, "Get b..."

"WAIT!" I yelled, "ok..NUMBER 3!" I screamed loudly this time causing a lady with a plant in her hand to drop it and get dirt all over the place. I looked around like I didn't know who yelled that. "ok go on now, Alice."

"Alright...Get boxes of condoms and randomly slip them into peoples' carts when they aren't paying attention." she read

"Oh my gosh what is with this list and condoms???" Bella yelled, exasperated. Some people walking by looked at her like she had lost her mind.

"Anyways, go on Alice" I smiled at her

"Fine.." she said

We headed BACK to the condom section and Alice grabbed 2 boxes and put the in the top part of the cart of a man and woman in their 30's who were standing there looking at hair products.

Neither of them noticed when Alice did it, but the woman soon looked down and saw.

"Brian, Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?? she asked slightly hysterically.

"What?" he, Brian, asked turning around looking to see what his wife was looking at, "Where did that come from?" he asked

"Oh don't play stupid, Brian. That's not funny at all. You know I can't have kids! What kind of a sick joke is that?" she stormed off on the verge of tears.

"Sarah, wait!" he ran after her.

Alice, Bella, and I all doubled over in laughter.

"Great job, Alice! You caused someone to cry."

"Hey, how was I supposed to know she couldn't have babies??"

"Do it again, Alice!" Bella shouted sounding strangly like a 3 year old.

This time Alice got a box and put it in the cart of a old man that looked to be about 85.

Once he looked down and saw it, he looked around. We all pretended to be occupied with something else. j

The old man walked up to Alice and said, "Excuse me, miss, but did you see where these came from?"

Alice looked down at the condoms in his hand and said "I'm guessing over there," pointing the where the condoms were.

"Yes, well, I didn't get them. Hmm, Maybe God's trying to tell me you're never too old to rumble," he said with a wink and raised an eyebrow at Alice before walking away, probably to buy some viagra or something.

Alice made a gagging face before busting out laughing again. We laughed together for a minute before we realized Bella wasn't around.

"Bella!" Alice yelled

"Over hear Ali!" we heard Bella yell giggling.

We found Bella two aisles over sitting in a buggy with a man beside it looking both irritated as well as amused.

"Are you here with her?" he asked

Alice and I nodded.

"Well, I was trying to buy some Purina when this girl comes and hops in my buggy. I tried to ask what she was doing but she just keeps giggling," he said.

"We're sorry," Alice said, trying not to laugh.

"Come on, Bella," I said walking up to her. I turned my back towards her so she could climb on it.

Once she was on my back she yelled "Spider monkey! To the rescue!" and pointed towards the guy with the mop that already hated me.

When I didn't move she slapped me on the back of my head and said, "Run monkey!" So I ran.

----

Once we got Bella calmed down, it was time to go on to the next thing on the list.

"NUMBER 4!" I yelled, startling some lady who had a cake in her arms. The cake fell out on the ground. The woman said some very innapropriate things to me before storming off.

"Cleanup on aisle 3!" I shouted. My friend, Chad, the tampon helper, came around the corner with a broom, dustpan, and mop. The sight was so funny to me, I fell to my knees laughing while Bella and Alice looked at me like I was stupid and Chad glared.

"Need some help there, buddy?" I asked, calming back down.

"Fuck off," he said before leaving with his cleaning utensils.

"Such friendly customers they have here," I said mainly to myself.

"Ok, now Emmett, it's your turn again. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. The example says The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl (or boy), but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions."

"Ok!" I said cheery.

I went skipping down the aisle until i got in from of the checkout lines since that is where the most people are.

I stopped skipping abrubtly and got a hurt look on my face?

"What? Your breaking up with me?" I said, purposly making my voice crack.

"No! No please, no! NOO!!" I started fake sobbing. I had everyone's attention now.

"Please! I'll do anything! Don't leave me! Especially not now because I don't have a ride home! PLEASE DON'T BREAK UP WITH ME!! It's that Quil dude isn't it..I mean I knew you thought he had a nice body and all but I didn't know you would cheat on me! With a DOG!" Good thing no one knew what I was talking about.

I fell onto the ground, fake sobbing and convulsing. After about 5 minutes, with people starring the whole time. I stopped completly and stood up.

Mike Newton came out of no where while I was walking back to Bella and Alice.

"What happen, Emmett? Rosalie break up with you?" he asked with a smug smile.

"No Mike, your mom did. I was too much for her to handle." Alice and Bella walked up then and I pushed my finger to Alice's as we said 'ssss' burn at the same time.

Mike walked away, pouting.

_Walmart is so fun!_

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**I love Emmeeeeeeettt! :)**

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**emilylovee**


	3. Guns, Depression Pills, And Mannequins

**Yay! I updated! It took forever, yes I know! Anyways, thank you sooo much for your reviews! I appreciate them so much!:)**

**This chapter isn't all that funny. I was half asleep when I wrote it.**

But Hey! I updated. Be proud.

**The credit for that actually goes to my friend Ebonie though cuz she threatened me if I didn't update soon, and she made me do it in our computer class. Which is where I am now! With her next to me, reading this. **

**Ok I'll shut up now.**

**SO read!  
:D**

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"Ok Bella, it's your turn," Alice said.

"Number 5!" I yelled, this time scaring no one. I guess everyone thought we were crazy by now, so they were keeping their distance. Darn. Scaring people was the best part.

"While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible."

"Alice, she'll probably accidentally shoot herself. This is Bella we're talking about," I said.

"Hey! I wouldn't shoot myself!" Bella said.

"Emmett, they won't be loaded," Alice said, ignoring Bella.

"Oh, then that's ok," I said

"Would somebody tell me where the stupid hunting department is?!" Bella yelled, interrupting our conversation. Didn't her mother teach her interrupting was rude? I'm going to have to talk to Renee about this.

Alice and I led Bella to the hunting department.

On the way there I started skipping and singing Tik Tok by Ke$ha. People looked at me like I was crazy, but when does that not happen?

Once we got to the hunting department, Alice and I hid, while Bella went up to the man working in the department.

"Excuse me, I'd like to buy some new bullets for my gun," she said while twitching and acting spastic.

"Sure, what kind of gun do you have?" he asked.

This couldn't be good, Bella doesn't know anything about guns.

"Um, a small one?" she said, though it came out sounded like a question. She was still acting spastic and twitching every few seconds.

"Alright," the man said, pulling out a book, "can you show me which one it looks like?"

"That one," she said, pointing to something in the book. Knowing Bella, she probably just pointed to some nuclear weapon, and was fixing to get the FBI called on her.

But the man just said ok and started walking towards the bullets.

He picked some bullets up and handed them to Bella. She took them, but flinched and dropped them. The man started to look worried.

"I'm not so sure you need to be handling a gun," he said.

"Of course I do! Why would you say that??" Bella said, sounding paranoid.

"Well.." The man began to say, but Bella interrupted him. There she is again with the interrupting! Rude!

"Just check me out already, damn it!" She yelled.

"Ok, Ok!" he said.

When they got back to the check out counter he asked to see her ID. Bella pulled out the fake ID Alice gave her, that Edward still didn't know about.

When she took the recipt from him, Alice went up to her and put her arm around Bella.

"Bella, what are you doing? Your late for your therapy and we still have to pick up your antidepressants," she said in a very comforting voice.

Bella started to pretend to cry and said, "Ok, Ali,"

The man looked very freaked out and concerned for the world's safety as they walked away and I came skipping along out of nowhere, continuing my song.

"Well you did better than I thought you would, Bella," Alice said.

"Wow, thanks Alice," Bella replied sarcastically.

"Before we do the next one, I think we should do something else..." Alice said with a little evil look in her eyes.

"Oh gosh. What now?" Bella asked looking slightly scared.

"Well, we don't want to waste these bullets, and I know Emmett has the gun that they fit it in his jeep, so why not have a little fun?" she said

"What part of me and guns don't go together do you not understand?!" Bella yelled.

"Oh, Bella, do you think I would let anything happen to you? Don't you want to freak Edward out even more?" she said.

"By shooting him????" Bella said, throwing her hands in the air.

"It's not like it'll hurt him," Alice said in a very duh like way.

"Well, ok. Let's go."

So that's how we ended up at our house, with Edward running around the yard, with his girlfriend shooting him.

It was a very entertaining sight, what with Edward not understanding why he was being shot, and Bella having not ever shot a gun before.

When she used all the bullets, Bella jumped back in the car, with Edward screaming, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER??"

I put the petal to the metal and boned out before he could kill us.

Once we got back to Wal Mart, it was Alice's turn again.

Alice pulled out the list and I yelled, "Number 6!" causing a woman walking out of the McDonalds place to drop her bag of food and drink.

Needless to say, She was pissed, so we walked away quickly.

"Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit," Alice read, and started dancing around saying, "YAY!"

Alice walked up to a mannequin and unzipped her huge purse.

The next thing I knew, there was a big pile of clothes in front of the mannequin. Alice started to dress it up in extremely fancy and expensive looking clothes.

It looked like it belonged on a runway when she was done.

"There," Alice said, "Much better."

Then she took pictures of her "masterpiece"

Ok, now, moving on..

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**Thanks for reading! :)**

**- emilylovee 3**


	4. Edward Talks To Strangers

"Ok, my turn again," I shouted.

"Walk up to a complete stranger and say, 'Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!...' ect. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment," Alice read.

"Ok, yeah! Let's do it!" I yelled.

"Wait, wait, wait," Alice said, "I have an idea before we do that. Let's go," she said. When we didn't start following her she picked Bella up and grabbed my ear and pulled me out the door.

Pretty soon we were back at our house. Edward was sitting in the grass cross legged looking strangely like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. It had to be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I guess he was really worried about the whole Bella shooting him incident. And that she bought like a lifetime's supply of condoms to supposedly use with Mike and Jacob.

Poor thing. He'd had a rough day.

"Edward!" Bella ran up to him and gave him a hug, seeing his expression.

"Bella?" Edward came back to life, or death, depending on how you look at it. "Bella! It's you!"

"Who else would I be?" she asked.

"I mean it's you. And not the you that shoots me and wants to do things with things like Mike and Jacob," he said, "Wait! You didn't do anything with them did you? DID YOU?" he yelled, shaking Bella.

"Of course not, Edward, can't you take a joke?"

"NOT JOKES LIKE THAT!" he yelled. I swear if he wasn't a vampire he would have been crying.

That was all I could take. I fell on the ground laughing. Edward jumped up and came up to me.

"I DON'T SEE ANYTHING FUNNY EMMETT! I'M TELLING ROSALIE!" he sounded like a three year old, which sent me even further into hysterics.

"Relax, Edward, come with us," Alice said, soothingly.

Edward, Alice, Bella, and I got into my jeep, with me laughing the whole time.

"Emmett, either you stop laughing or I'll make you stop," Edward threatened.

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry," I took a few deep breaths, calming down.

Why was I laughing again? I don't even think anything was funny..

"So, what are we doing?" Edward asked. Alice handed him the paper.

"You've already done these?" he asked, pointing to the ones that were crossed off.

"Yes," Alice told him.

"Oh, dang! I would have wanted to see them!" he whined.

"Don't worry, I have it all on film," Alice said, handing him the video recorder.

Edward watched all of it on the way back to Wal Mart. By the end he was laughing hysterically.

"You people are weird," he said in between fits of laughter.

"Wait," he said, his laughing stopping abruptly, "Am I going to have to do these now? Let me out of this car!" he yelled.

"Edward, if Bella can do it, you can do it," I said.

"Hey!" Bella protested.

"Well, I guess that's true," Edward said, while Bella pouted.

Once we got back in Wal Mart, Alice broke the bad news that Edward was going to get to take my turn and I would have to wait until the next time.

I was sad.

Alice read him what he was supposed to do. Or what I was supposed to do that he stole from me.

"Walk up to a complete stranger and say, 'Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!...' ect. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment," she read again.

"I picked now to go and get you, because you can look in their head and find out their name and other information about them," she said.

Ohhhh, I get it now. This should be good.

"Fine," Edward grumbled.

He starred at this one lady for a good five minutes. I honestly think Bella was getting jealous.

Finally, he walked up to her.

"Hey, Maddie! Long time no see! How have you been?" he shouted.

She looked confused but decided to play along.

"I've been good. What about you?" she responded, trying to cover up her confused expression.

"I've been great! How's Ryan and the kids? Little Alex must be getting so big, I haven't seen him in so long! Or Vanessa," he rambled on.

"They're good. How's...your family?" she asked, still trying to figure out who this was that knew so much about her.

"Oh my gosh!" Edward said, pretended to be in tears, "How could you?"

"What did I do?" the lady asked, freaking out.

"You know my family got killed in that fire! How could you say that? Are you just trying to make me upset?" then he fell on the ground in fake sobs.

The lady looked around and ran away.

After she was gone, Edward got up and came over to us.

He told us she was considering that she had alzheimers. At 36.

Ok! Now, it was my turn. Finally.

**Reviews are GREATLY appreciated.**

**:)**

**emilylovee**


	5. Emmett Scares People and Alice Flirts

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Just so you all know.. Emmett is like my best friend now. I feel so close to him. We're going to take over the world one day! Mwahahaha :)

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"Whose turn is it now?" Edward asked.

"Mine Mine Mine!" I yelled, jumping up and down.

"Walk up to a lady and calmly say "Help me. The voices in my head are telling me to do naughty things." Then clap your hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming "NO! I DON'T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO NO NO NO!" Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the eyes, and Calmly say "I…will start…a fire…" The pull out a zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don't light the zippo, just hold it closed," Alice read.

Gosh. I always get the best ones.

I giggled.

People looked at me like I was weird.

I yelled at them.

They looked at me weirder.

So I giggled again.

And yelled again, "Can't a dude giggle without getting those looks?"

My buddy Chad walked past and glared at me.

"Yeah, I know you giggle too, Chad, don't act like you don't!"

Chad blushed and walked away.

Anyways, on with it.

I walked up to the first lady I saw, who just happened to be the same lady Edward just got done talking to.

"Excuse me, but could you, NO!" I yelled, she jumped, clearly in a hurry to get out of the store since the Edward thing.

"I'm sorry?" she said, frightened. I bit back my evil laugh that was really wanting to come out.

"Help me, please," I said calmly, before shouting "SHUT UP!"

"Help you...? With what?" she asked, cautiously.

"The voices in my head are telling me to do crazy things," I stated.

She looked at me like I was a psychopath for a few seconds.

Then I yelled, "No! Stop telling me what to do! I don't want to hurt the lady! Stop! Shut up!"

Then I screamed like a girl.

The lady started to walking away, so I yelled "Wait!"

She turned slowly, ready to run.

"I will...start a fire," I stated plainly, pulling out the lighter that just happened to be in my pocket.

I wonder how that got there?

At that she ran, glancing back only when I did my wonderful evil laugh. It felt good to let it out.

She left her cart by the door and ran all the way out.

Whose turn is it now?

Ah, Alice.

"Ok, In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." Alice read.

"I'll do that, but I'm not spraying myself with that crap. It stinks," she informed us.

We waited a minute until we saw a guy and girl walking together, then we saw a guy walking in the store holding hands with a girl. Alice ran up to them.

"Heyyyyy!" she said to the guy, in a very flirty voice. "What's your name?" she asked, batting her eyelashes.

"Uh, Brandon..." he said, clearly interested in Alice, but trying not to show it.

Edward learned over to Bella and me and said, "in his head, he's cursing his girlfriend and thinking of a way to get Alice's number and meet up with her later,"

Bella giggled and whispered, "I'm telling Jasper!"

Oh no, she was sounding like the little kid again. Please don't make me run around the store with her on my back, again.

"I'm Alice," she giggled.

The girlfriend coughed.

"Excuse me, bitch, that's my boyfriend," she said.

Alice kept smiling and refocused her attention on the girl.

"Heyyyy," she said, in the same exact way, except to the girl.

"What's your name?" she asked the girl.

The girl scoffed and started walking away, dragging 'Brandon' with her.

He looked back at Alice and she waved and giggled again, but the girl hit him and he turned around and kept walking.

Alice skipped back over to us.

"Well, that was fun," she said once she got over her.

"Ali, I want popcorn!" Bella yelled in that darn little kid voice.

"Oh, no, not again," Alice said.

"My thoughts exactly!" I yelled.

Since Alice hadn't filmed Bella's weirdness earlier, Edward didn't know what we were talking about, so I replayed it in my head for him.

Edward put his arm around her and said, "Bella, honey.." but she started screaming at him to get his hands off her, so he did.

"Alice! Popcorn!" she yelled, so we went off to get Bella some popcorn.

Gosh, Bella was weird in walmart.

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	6. Edward and Bella Make Out With Strangers

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**Enjoy the new chapter... **

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After we got Bella her popcorn, which she ate like a dog, she was back to normal.

"Ok, what do I have to do now?" she sighed.

"Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat. Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs," Alice read.

"Why do I always get the stupid ones?" she whined.

"Um, Bella, we all get stupid ones, you're just always high or something whenever we do ours," Alice told her.

"I am not high!" Bella yelled.

Alice just shook her head and let the subject drop.

Bella sighed again and got down on the ground and crawled up to some people walking past.

She meowed. It was quite hysterical to Alice and me. Edward looked pained though.

I figured it was because Bella was on the ground in front of some guy other than him.

It got worse for him when she started rubbing again his legs, but it just got funnier to me.

She did it for a good five minutes. The guy didn't seem to mind, actually.

Edward must have realized that when I did because he growled and went a picked Bella up, carrying her back over to us.

"Next thing," Edward growled.

"Ok, it's Edward's turn now," Alice said.

Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is! I haven't seen you in so long!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me?" Then walk away," Alice read.

Edward sighed. Loudly.

"I'm not enjoying this," he informed us before walking up to the guy next to the one Bella was rubbing against earlier.

He went up to him with a shocked expression on his face.

"Ehmagawshhh is that you? Ehmagawshhh, it is you! I haven't seen you in sooo long!" he said in a girly voice.

Then he pulled him into a deep and passionate kiss.

Bella pouted while mumbling something about Edward gets to kiss people why can't I.. Then she ran up to the guy she was rubbing up against earlier and started making out with him.

Edward pulled away and slapped the boy and said "Why didn't you ever call me?"

Once he looked up he saw Bella's tongue in some other boys mouth, which made him...mad?

It was hard to tell because what he did was start screaming like a girl. Bella pulled away and glared at him then went back to making out with they boy.

Edward was still screaming like a girl.

Chad came up at about this time and informed us that we needed to leave because we were making a scene.

I was ready to move onto a new Wal Mart with new victims anyways, so I didn't throw a fit.

It did take Bella some convincing, however, to pull away from her new 'boyfriend'

I'm surprised Edward didn't kill him, actually.

We finally got in my jeep. Bella and Edward were both mad.

To lighten the mood I turned on the radio.

Hoedown Throwdown from the Hannah Montana Movie was on. I tried to do the dance while driving, but it was not an easy task.

"EMMETTTT!" Alice yelled over the music, "Can we go get Jazzzy?"

I whipped the car around in the direction of our house.

Once we got there, Alice got out and yelled, "Jazzy Poo! Come here, Boy!"

Jasper came out and eyed us cautiously.

"Get in the car," Alice ordered. Jasper obeyed, sitting between Edward and Bella. He could feel their anger I'm sure. Poor him.

Jasper opened his mouth to say something but Alice interrupting saying, "No questions, honey pie"

Off to the Port Angeles Wal Mart we go!

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**I'd appreciate some more reviews! They make me update faster! :) **

**Love ya'll! :)**


	7. Jasper Acts Gay and Rose Rides A Bike

**I haven't updated in FOREVER and I'm soo sorry! But I promise I WILL do better! I hope this chapter is better than the last couple of chapters have been. I haven't like them that much. But anyways here is the new chapter! **

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We finally explained everything that was going on to a very confused and slightly scared Jasper. He was immediately in and thought it would be fun, especially after Alice showed him the video. That's why Jasper is my favorite brother.

Oops, sorry Edward, I didn't mean that, I thought realizing Edward was sitting right behind me and could hear my every thought.

When we got into the Port Angeles Walmart, Alice busted out the awesome little piece of paper that started this whole journey.

"Ok, Jazzy, since you haven't done anything yet, you can start here," she said, "Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from Caldors, but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like everyone else your know. You digust me" Then walk away mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl- like as you can" she read.

"Of course, I would have to be gay," he sighed, before walking towards the Customer Service area.

He got his gay guy walk on and strutted up to the counter.

"Hello, how may I help you?" the lady behind the counter said.

"Ohkaaaayyy, I want a quarter pounder WITH CHEESE, we can't forget the cheese, I love me some dairy products, umm I want a strawberry shake, ohh! and a large order of fries. AND a diet coke, puhhleasee.."

"Wa.." she started to say but Jasper interrupted saying, "Ohh, to go,"

"I think you're at the wrong place," she told him warily. It's funny how scared people are of psychopaths.

"What you mean I'm at the wrong place? Girl, boo," he said.

"We don't serve hamburgers here. This is WALMART," she emphasized.

"Pshh, whatever, ya'll just don't want to serve me because I'm gay. I know how you people are. I can't believe this. You people disgust me. I'm not ever coming here for food again! I'm going to Sam's," he said, turning to walk away. The little guy that had been watching from a distance came up to Jasper then and discreetly handed him his phone number and walked away.

"Well, I'll certainly be using this," he mumbled sarcasticly before ripping it.

"Whoa, Jasper, you make a really convincing gay guy. Should that worry me?" Alice joked, although she wasn't lying about him being a totally convincing gay guy. He could really pull it off..

"HA. HA. real funny," he was being sarcastic again. Doesn't he know that's rude. I swear, these people have no manners.

"So, anyways, Emmett it's your turn again," Alice said.

"Wait, where did Edward and Bella go?" I asked.

We turned to see them making out against some shelves.

"Well, it looks like they made up," Alice said.

"UGHHHH!" Jasper yelled, grabbing his head, "Too much lust!"

And just like that, him and Alice were doing the exact same thing as Edward and Bella.

I pulled my phone out and dialed Rosalie's number.

"Hello?" she answered.

"ROSALIE!" I sobbed.

"What's wrong?"

"I need you!"

"Where are you?"

"Walmart in Port Angeles.."

"What why?"

"Just come and hurry please. I'm lonely," I sniffled.

"Okaaaaaaaay...I'm on my way?"

"Yay! Thanks! Love you!"

I snapped my phone shut and sat down in the middle of the aisle cross legged and rocked back and forth to wait for Rosalie.

In record time, Rosalie was there.

"Emmett?" she said.

I looked up to see her in front of me.

"Rose!" I yelled, jumping up and picking her up.

When I put her down she asked, "What's going on? Why are Jasper and Alice and Edward and Bella both in very heated make out sessions?"

"I don't really know, but I need your help to make them stop because it was my turn!" I pouted.

"Your turn for what?" she asked.

"You'll see, just help," I said.

So I broke up Bella and Edward while she got Alice and Jasper, and FINALLY we got them apart.

They were all very confused to see Rosalie.

"Will someone please tell me what is going on?" she yelled.

Alice showed her the video.

"Sooo.. Rose.. You wanna join us now?" I asked, cautiously.

"Sure!" she shouted, surprising everyone.

"What?" She asked, "I was lonely, since everyone just decided to disapear without telling me where they were going. Thanks, by the way,"

"Sorry," we all said at the same time.

"So I guess it's Rose's turn now," Alice said.

"Nooo! Will I ever get a turn again?" I screamed.

"Yes, Emmett, after Rosalie, you will get another turn," she said.

"Ok, so Rose, Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive." she read.

Rosalie smirked and walked up to a little kiddy bike. She got on it and started riding it even though she was slightly too big for it.

She rode it through the whole store until some mean looking old lady said "Miss! You can't be doing that! You're not allowed to ride the bikes!"

"But I was just taking it for a test drive," Rose smiled sweetly.

"Well don't!" the old lady yelled. Rosalie really got back at her too, she stuck her tongue out. Good one, Rose.

After she put the bike back, it was FINALLY my turn again!

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**Reviews are greatly appreciated. **

**I love you great readers! :)**


	8. Emmett Loves Ronnie!

**Yay! This is the first chapter where we start out with ALL the Cullens. I know I don't update often and I'm sorry, but reviews motivate me to do better.. :)**

"It's my turn again!" I yelled excitedly, "What do I have to do?"

"Make our with the Ronald McDonald statue at the entrance to McDonalds," Alice read.

"Omg, Yay!" I yelled.

We walked up to the McDonalds entrance and I sat down next to my new bff, Ronald!

"Hey Ronnie, what's up, homes?" I said, trying to do our secret handshake, but he must have forgotten it, because he didn't do it back. In fact, he completely ignored me.

"Ah, Ronnie, I've missed you baby," I said before pressing my lips against his.

Right when I did that I heard someone yelling "Oh my god!"

I don't know why the sight of a 'teenage' boy making out with Ronald McDonald on a bench in Walmart freaks people out, but it sure does.

Alice had her video camera out and she was recorded people's reactions as theey walked past and saw me. There was quite a crowd of people around, but that didn't stop me from making out with my man.

I was enjoying myself quite a bit when some mean worker person came up and asked me to leave.

"But, I haven't seen him in a year! We have a lot of catching up to do!" I pouted.

He gave me that 'you're crazy' look I, for some reason, get a lot, and said "leave now, please, before I call security,"

"Fine. Bye Ronnie, I love you!" I said, turning to Ronald and blowing him a kiss, "See ya soon!" I added for the worker's behalf.

With that, I turned and walked out of the door, with the rest of my family following behind me. Rosalie's M3 was parked next to my Jeep.

"Great job, Emmett, you got us kicked out of another Walmart," Edward said, glaring.

"Oh, shut up, Edward, it was fun," Alice told him.

"Thank you, Alice," I said, sticking my tongue out at Edward.

"It's getting late," he said, ignoring me, "I need to get Bella home,"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot there was a human with us.." Alice said, "Charlie will start worrying if she's not home soon," she said.

"Here, you can take her home in my Jeep and we'll ride with Rosalie," I said, handing Edward my keys.

"Thanks, bro."

Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and I got in her car.

Once we got home, Carlisle was home from work.

We went in to find him and Esme sitting on the couch. There's no telling what they had been doing before we got there...

"Hey, kids," Esme said, smiling.

"What have you done today?" Carlisle asked us.

"Um.." we all said.

"We went to Walmart," Alice piped.

We all nodded.

Esme and Carlisle looked at us curiously, but didn't say anything. We all went up to our rooms to.. handle business before tomorrow, when we would continue doing the things on the list.

Until then, I'm Emmett McCarty Cullen, thank you for joining me on this day. Please join us tomorrow, for more, THINGS TO DO IN WALMART, WITH EMMETT.

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K, love you.

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**I decided to make Emmett all dramatic and nararator like. Anyways, I really will try to get the next chapter out a lot quicker. I'm sorry this chapter is short, but I felt this was a good place to end the day.**

**Please review! Pleaseeee!**


	9. Dinner Dates and Showers

The next morning, we got in my Jeep, which Edward had brought back over here, and went to pick up Bella and Edward.

Once we got them, we set off for the Seattle walmart. Luckily, there were 3 Walmarts in Seattle, so those should last us the day.

"I don't like this," Bella complained.

"Oh, come on, Bella, if you're gonna be a vampire, you have to learn to play like one. This is fun!" I said.

"But what if we get arrested or something?" she asked.

"That's the fun of it!" Alice chirped.

Once we finally got to the walmart, Alice got out the paper.

"It's my turn!" she said excitedly.

"Ok, it says, 'take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.' Well, Jazz, looks like we'll be going to the food section now," she said, grabbing his hand.

They both got one of the chairs that you ride around and we followed behind them as they drove to the food section, holding hands with one hand, while steering with the other.

People were starring already.

We got to the open area in front of where they keep the lobsters and they parked. They put a little table like thing over their baskets on their 'cars' so that it actually looked like they were sitting across from each other at a table.

"Emmett, will you be our waiter?" Alice asked.

"Of course I will!" I told her, excitedly.

I took out the apron i keep in my man purse in case of emergencies and put it on.

I pulled out my notepad and walked up to them.

"Hi, I'm Emmett, and I'll be your waiter today. What can I get for you?"

"Um, I want a water, please" Alice said, smirking.

"And for you sir?" I said to Jasper.

"Same thing, please" he responded.

I wrote down their orders and walked to the McDonalds in this Walmart.

I ordered two waters and carried them back to Alice and Jasper.

They thanked me and I asked if they were ready to order.

"I think I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese," Alice said.

"And for you sir?" I asked Jasper, again.

"Same thing, please" he responded, again.

All this poor food was going to waste. But oh well, it's for a good cause.

I ordered their food and started to walk back to them, but then I saw my baby, Ronald.

He looked so lonely I couldn't help but go sit next to him.

"Hey, Ronnie. I've missed you. Are you ok?" I asked.

"Yeah, I know, it's ok, baby," I told him, putting my arm on his.

"Are you hungry? I've got some food here," I tried putting a french fry in his mouth but it didn't exactly work, so I got mad and left. People were looking at me funny anyways, and I wasn't ready to get kicked out of this Walmart too, yet.

I walked back to Alice and Jasper to find and even bigger crowd of people around them than there was when I left.

I handed them their food and they pretended to eat while the crowd watched in amazment at the two freaks having a dinner date in the middle of Walmart.

I walked up to Alice and whispered, "Let's do something else now, I don't want to get kicked out of this Walmart yet,"

They took the table like thing off and drove back to the entrance and got off their vehicles. They threw their food away and Alice pulled out the list for the next person.

"Edward, but a towel, go in the bathroom. Then a few minutes later, come out wrapped in the towel and ask the person who checked you out for some soap," she read.

For some odd reason, Bella squeaked. Edward, however, sighed before walking to buy his towel. He went to the checkout line in front of where the bathrooms were and bought his plain white towel.

Edward went in the bathroom, then 2 minutes and 17 seconds later, he came out wrapped in it.

Bella started hyperventilating and Alice had to hold her back while Jasper tried to calm her down, but Bella's emotions were making it hard for him to stay off Alice.

Bella calmed down enough though, and we watched as Edward walked up to the lady who checked him out.

The lady was about 35 and you could tell she didn't really mind Edward coming up to her like that. Bella did though. She glared at that woman for quite a while.

"Can I get some soap, please?" Edward asked, smiling dazzlingly, as Bella would say.

The woman was overtaken by Edward as she mumbled "Sure" barely even coherantly.

Over the intercom we heard, "Can someone please bring some soap to register number 7?"

Sure enough, some little slave boy for Walmart came running up to her with soap.

"Here you go," she said in a very flirty voice. Bella growled.

Edward walked back into the bathroom then came out a few minutes fully clothed.

"Well.. I did it.." he mumbled.

"Yes you did, but now it's Bella's turn!" Alice yelled.

"Oh no.." Bella said.

"Oh yes!" Alice squealed.

to be continued...

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**That was a pretty quick update! At least for me..**

**Anyways, I decided that at the end of every chapter, I'm gonna tell you a funny/interesting experience I have had in Walmart.**

**- So this one time, I was in Walmart with my brother. It was like 4 in the morning. My best friend's dad is a police officer, but he had never met me before. She was supposed to spend the night at my house the next night. I decided to introduce myself. It was probably a stupid idea, seeing as how it's not normal to be in Walmart at 4 in the morning, although I do it quite often. Anyways, I walked up to him while he was checking out and said 'excuse me. i'm emily. miranda's friend..' he said 'emily! oh! it's nice to finally meet you.. what are you doing here at 4 in the morning?' teheee, aren't first impressions grand? that wasn't anything like emmett's experiences but i've got plently more so stay tuned to the next chapter for more emmett and more me! yay! -**

**ok so now review telling me your thoughts on the story and tell me something you have done in walmart or any experience you have had there!**

**I'll tell my favorite on the next chapter!**

**Review!**


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